I was just on Facebook looking at a potential proposal video that one of my Facebook friends had shared, the guy in the video had different gifts lined up for his woman on ground. Each gift bag had a different type of gift in it, each gift she discovered she gave a different reaction to. When she got to her final gift she had to unwrap, once she unwrapped her gift she turns around, there was her boyfriend on one knee to propose to her.
Like any other grateful loving woman she was greatly surprised, she cried. Everyone around them had their cellphones recording every piece of their happy moment. I stopped watching the video when she began to cry I went ahead and hearted the video, because it really was beautiful. I began to get teary-eyed myself but my tears wasn’t of joy.
I began to feel angry and greatly bitter over the happiness that was in the video, I thought to myself “why can’t I have that same kind of treatment”? All my faults and horrid choices sat in the front of my mind and reminded me of the disappointment that I put myself through. I had the expression of a mad, bitter, angry woman that always have nothing good that has accomplished in her life, besides having children and a section eight apartment.
The love that that women was getting from her mate in that video, is the love that I don’t receive on a day to day basis. I feel the need to compare everyone else is around the world smiling except me. I stay sad hurt and broken, thinking that no one wants me because I have three children. Who’s going to want to deal with that. I guess you are thinking, you’ll never know huh?
I can’t make no one love me neither can I change a man, but I want to refuse the negligence that stands in between us. But why replace the reckons when that’s what my relationship stands on? It’s the foundation of my relationship seven years has already come and we still have Sheetrock as our walls in our home.
I see other women with their mates living the American dream, while I walk around moping about the unfairness that I receive. When can I smile and laugh, when can I flaunt my beauty with the help of your praise? Am I even allowed to blush or embrace. What is there to blush and embrace when I’m abused so badly.
It has really gotten to the edge that I hate seeing happy couples, especially a happy woman. What made her so different and why she receives such glamorous treatment from her man? So folks be so pressed to say “you don’t know what happens behind closed doors” which is something that I don’t believe in too much. That woman’s happiness screams joy, while My bitterness screams I need love and affection.
Maybe it’s not my turn for love or is it that I’m just a sex object. I don’t even think that marriage is even written in my will of life. Maybe I’m just used to bare children be unhappy without a soulmate and poor for the rest of my life, you know some of us are unfortunate…I believe I’m one of those people. Love just isn’t for me.
